Andrew Schrauben

Yes, I dream of being able to run a 3-hour marathon, when I'm conscious at least. When I'm sleeping, apparently I have much more fanciful marathon dreams, like this recent one...

My dream began at the starting line of the Grand Rapids Marathon but I wasn't expecting a fast time - I was just running to have fun. It's a bright, clear, sunny, warm day and I'm just cruisin' along. At the 8-mile mark I check my watch and see that I'm on a 3-hour pace and still feeling strong! But I knew this race wouldn't be fast so I didn't get my hopes up; besides, this marathon was advertised as an adventure race.

Soon I find out why - I'm running through a beer tent during the Oktoberfest in Munich! I distinctly remember the giant, sky-blue and white striped circus-like tent full of very happy patrons all offering me a stein of beer. I kept saying "Nur Wasser, bitte!" ("Only water, please!") but none of them had water. So I pressed on.

Next I was running along the banks of Plum Creek... yes, the same Plum Creek of Laura Ingalls Wilder fame. The course ran us through her family's old dugout home. Immediately after that we were running through the Big Woods, you guessed it, taking a tour of her log cabin. I even had to climb the ladder into the loft, then back down, as part of the course.

The marathon continued to the great plains of Africa, where I ran through a humongous wood-frame tent with translucent canvas walls. It was easily the size of a large farm barn, if not larger, yet the interior looked like the inside of a zeppelin with catwalks everywhere. Again I had to climb a ladder, this one about 40 feet high, and then run along the rafters! Yet I wasn't nervous at all; in fact I was enjoying it and made a point to remember to thank the race director. Sleeping on panels of canvas all over the barn-tent were native tribal African couples. I ran out of the barn-tent and ran a big lap around an open field, then back through the barn-tent. This time through one of the sleeping couples were making love right in front of me! They ignored me and I did my best to ignore them, too.

My race was nearing the end but there was one more building to traverse - an old Spanish monastery somewhere on the California coast. It had stucco walls and mostly ceramic tiles on the roof, except for the tower which had an old, rotting, wooden roof. Once again I scaled a very long ladder to reach the tower roof and became nervous about having to run across the roof - it didn't look very sound. A monk appeared wearing a nun's outfit and coaxed me to come across, insisting it was safe. I took a few steps and my left foot suddenly crashed through! The monk-nun grabbed my hand and helped me the rest of the way across. As I climbed down the ladder on the other side I looked at my watch and saw 5:30 elapsed time, and figured I'd finish within 6 hours. I was quite satisfied with this time and thought to myself "This was quite an adventurous race! I'll sign up again next year."

The end.